All my life I have lived on the edge of reality. Dreams did not limit themselves to my sleeping mind. I’m not talking about daydreams, though I did my fair share of that as well. My daytime dreaming was more than that.
I was a painfully shy child. Social interaction was very difficult for me, even in the most comfortable environments of friend’s and family’s company. I was awkward and insecure, and I never felt like I fit in. This wasn’t an I’m different from everyone else feeling, nor was it an I don’t think this is the me I’m supposed to be sensation. Rather, it was a distinct feeling that the reality around me wasn’t actually real, or at least, it wasn’t the reality I was meant to be in. This feeling was so strong sometimes that I would try to imagine what reality I was in fact supposed to be in.
Beyond daydreaming
Sometimes I simply visualized slight differences in my situation. I distinctly remember once, while visiting friends of the family for dinner, imagining an encounter with a boy I liked from school. In my mind’s eye, as clear as day, he came to the front door to ask to borrow a cup of sugar. Surprised (and of course pleased) to see me in such an odd chance encounter, we proceeded to sit and enjoy the rest of the evening together. All of this took place, you see, a good 45 minutes from our home. The likelihood of anyone at all that I knew being anywhere near us at the time was extremely slim. To this day, however, I can see and hear the interaction that I vividly imagined.
Other times, I created completely different realities to exist in. This went far beyond the role-play adventures I enjoyed with my friends. If I had trouble falling asleep at night, I would switch realities and imagine myself falling asleep via anesthesia in a hospital or passing out from exhaustion after a dragon battle. I have clear memories of crawling through secret passageways in the walls of our house. Not recollections of pretending – actual clear memories, and not just one time. This one baffled me so much that I have caught myself more than once actually checking the wall behind the cupboard under the kitchen sink.
Lucid dreaming
Night dreaming is a whole other ballgame. I don’t know when I first realized that I could control my dreams. It started with a feeling of familiarity while dreaming. When being chased, for example, when running for my life is far more difficult than it realistically should be, I would question it while I was dreaming it. Sometimes, while clawing my way forward with my hands because my legs wouldn’t move properly, I would argue with whoever else was running with me.
It shouldn’t be this hard… I am pretty sure this is a dream.
No, the other person would insist, this is most definitely NOT a dream!
Yes, I’m sure it is! And that means… I can FLY!
That’s when I would intentionally stop running or crawling or dragging myself through the dreamscape mud and launch myself off the ground. Knowing that I could fly in my dreams, I did. It was more of a glide, I suppose. I could usually reach down with my arms and gently push myself along if I needed more speed. If I came upon vertical objects, like buildings or trees, I’d glide up them as well. I am proud to say that I am quite skilled at dream-flying.
Since the discovery of my dream-powers, I have not really had any nightmares.
Literary escape
I was also of course a voracious reader. My favorite genres were epic fantasy and horror. The fantasy makes sense. The horror does not, as I had absolutely no tolerance for horror or even thriller movies or television. In text form however, I ate it up. When I went to the library, and later bookstores, I would scan the shelves for unreasonably thick books. If they were part of a series, that was even better. I loved my stories so much that I hated for the book to end too soon. Short stores were a total waste of time, other than as bathroom reading material.
Elves and dragons always caught my eye, but even more I was drawn to hidden worlds, portal stories, or magical realism. These stories, no matter how incredible, always hinted at a plausibility that appealed to me (and still does).
I know that there is magic out there. You just need to know where to look.